Kaitlyn's Blog

I love these kids!

I love these kids!

The only way I know to describe my feelings for now is  joyfully heartbroken/strong.  I asked God to reveal more of Himself and His heart to me as I went to serve Him this summer. When I said, “break my heart for what breaks yours” I had no clue what I was getting into. True heartbreak is having genuine desire and willingness, but being aware that without Him I can do nothing.  Or, true heartbreak is falling in love with a precious child who is HIV positive, by no fault of his own, and realizing I am helpless to solve his problems.

My heart was longing to surrender, not the type where I only surrender one task at a time after I give up trying to do it on my own (which is always an illusion I fall into), but instead full surrender to God’s heart and leading.   I know as a Christian my life is not my own but at some point I have to decide to LIVE that, not just know it. The Malawians taught me, by their life example, that accessing God’s joy is only possible through daily surrender. 

Kaitlyn with the Team

Kaitlyn with the Team

I am always broken by the suffering, starvation, and poverty but I am not leaving Malawi a broken person. I am leaving Malawi a  joyfully broken person.   I want others to be able to feel the joy I am living in just by being around me.  This contagious joy is what I caught from my friends in Malawi.  I got to experience joy with them. They let me in their world so I could see Jesus through their eyes.  He is their everything; friend, provider, and comforter.  It isn’t the “stuff” that brings life, it is the relationship that brings strengthening joy!

I Love Malawi!

I Love Malawi!

There you have it, the ramblings of a sleep deprived, bleary eyed, heartbroken, joyful, pizza craving, girl who is excited to come home but sad to leave.  There I have done it; I have put my joyfully broken mentality out there.  Now I give you permission to remind me of my words, ideally, on days when I just miss hearing my babies giggling, children singing, and women laughing at my broken Chichewa. Here’s to hopeful thinking!

Kaitlyn

Posted on August 14, 2013 .